I’m good. As good as I can be.
I’m facing relationships issues with a few close people. Unspoken quiet issues.
That’s because I’m the one, in all of my relationships, to start a conversation.
I’m not one to always reach out, or arrange an outing, or call and so on.
But when in conflict, or when the signs of trouble start showing, I’m always the proactive one.
I’ve observed people enough to tell the signs when two people, or a group, start drifting apart.
When the intention, interest and emotion are still there for one another, the reason is almost always not talking things out which leads to misunderstandings and misinterpreted actions and that is rarely positive.
So for me, talking it out in all honesty is key, which is why I’m always the one to talk, poke and lay it all out on the table. That is because if I don’t, no one would.
Passive is the keyword here.
From there on, my friends (a term that applies here to any close person from family, school, online or offline who I’ve let in my inner circle), divide to two categories; the ones who continue to be passive and take it all in and hopefully work on what was discussed.
The other group are the reactive ones, who are too good that they bring their emotions on the table; emotions of guilt, sadness sorries and promises, or the defensive ones who fight back with their share of problems with me.
I don’t mind criticizing me. It’s never easy on anyone, but i really would love to know what bothers those that matter to me, and fix it.
I cherish honesty more than anything, so if I can bring everything to the table, my chosen friend have the same right.
My only problem with that is that if you’re only going to bring it out on the open when you saw an opportunity which I provided, after being silent and passive with no intention whatsoever to talk it out, then I don’t think that’s fair.
I get that not everyone has the boldness to approach conflict and rock the boat, and that’s why the idea of an occasional visit to a “safe space” where all discussions are welcome in full honesty from all parties is an ideal solution to keep things in check.
But people don’t really enjoy that I see, at least not those around me, and they prefer to make things more complicated by staying silent and not put any effort, while I, the one who wants to fight for a chance to keep a good thing going, look like the one who’s every half a decade finds a thing to start drama.
This time around, I’m exhausted.
It’s been a very long year since June of last year and I, for once, don’t want to talk things out. Or more like, I’d love to talk things out but only if someone else notices it and builds 1/4 a bridge towards me.
Knowing myself I’d build the remaining 3/4s and add a ceiling.
I’m not trying to paint myself like the better person here. We’re all good and bad.
I just know how fast in action I can be, and how so little can satisfy me.
I guess what I’m asking for is,
Someone to get out of their comfort zone, their nature, just a little to prove that I’m not ever the only one placing building blocks for our future.