All of them…blood, choice, parasocial, internet, life-long… any connection from these bonds shook me in my comfort zone, at a time that I needed these connections and my comfort zone most.
I’ve build up bridges towards them and hoped that they would support, but those I chose for safety nets had too wide of spaces in their net patterns.
All their transmissions which brought in life to me, whether they were zeros that fueled me to be better, or ones that held my world at balance, started reaching me through exposed wires which Im holding on to.
Electric waves kept shocking me and I couldn’t let go.
They kept on shocking and I kept on, with tightened grip, hanging on.
The blinking signs told me to let go, and every shock broke me to even smaller pieces, yet I stayed strong, in tears and pain, holding on tight.
Until it was minutes away from burning my whole palm to blackness.
The limb I use to do the one thing I love.
With fingers, numb and volcanic, I released the cords and they fell to the ground.
I have finally let go. and the pain like a thousand hot needles stung at my hands.
I stood still for what felt like an eternity.
should I grab them up again or should I give myself a break.
I stood still for an eternity.
then it started to feel cold.
silent and still.
but strangely nice.
Maybe I’ll stay here.
My limbs are itching to move though.
can life feel right without that electrifying sensation?
My brain is provoking my tongue though.
can my voice reach without the jolt of thrill that sparks a reaction from those who listen?
My heart is questioning my soul though.
does interacting have any point, without the sense of enthusiasm?
And I wonder,