Why is it that once you let go of something, after fighting for it for so long, it suddenly comes back so easily when you’ve given up entirely and have lost all feelings for.

I feel like my life always goes in this same pattern, and all I have right now are things I once wanted, fought for tooth and nail, didn’t get, killed entirely in me so that I can move on, then they came back to stay when I don’t feel anything for anymore.

Especially with people.

It’s a problem because I thrive on emotional connection to things and people. So gaining a thing far removed from my soul and dealing with it becomes a chore.

That’s why I feel as if all things and all people are mere responsibilities.

I’ll give them the world, but I want nothing back.

That’s no healthy connection with anything.

****

I hate when I reach this apathetic state of being towards a loved one.
All my fighting for a thing dearly wanted becomes an obsession at times, but it’s always because I don’t want to reach this state. Not only for myself, but for the other as well.


If you break me, you won’t lose me, but you’ll lose the you in me.

the feelings in me towards you.

You’ll always find me by your side.

I’ll always be there and nothing will change for you.

but me…

the me that felt you next to her is gone.