Untangling || a thought

At some point today, I realized I wish my life is a TV series or a book, and boring and uneventful as it is, it would be nice for me to see someone looking at it objectively away from attacking the author, and merely dissect and analyze the inner workings of my behavioral patterns in relationships, because I sure got tired of doing that after failing with my conclusions every half a decade.


In every best friend you have, there are great reasons which connect both of you on a soul level, reasons that make the annoying or problematic parts of yourselves pale in comparison.

These pet peeves, opposing views, unmatched and personality traits are bound to be there in any relationship.

They exist and depending on how close your best friend is to you, the most probable and ideal thing is that they know all about these parts, in you and in themselves.

They’re often addressed in conflict but once they’re out on the table and addressed as things that don’t need to be changed and aren’t reason for conflict anymore, often times they’re just there to be teased about, to come up with in-joke about and to roll eyes at every occurrence in a friendly manner.

You can’t ask perfection from anyone and we’re not out changing friends to meet our needs, so you navigate and compromise.

The problem is when so much changes in between best friends due to personality growth or trials testing both individually and together, that nothing left but those parts you don’t connect with and you end up holding on to that soul by the memories you once had or the dear person who they once were.

It’s a sad state to be in but a lot of people keep hanging in there in a state of hope for the future rationalizing that this is a mere period that’ll pass, which can be the case, or they keep hanging in fear of the unknown alone when taking a step away from that dearest soul.

In hindsight,

after all is that’s said and done,

when the wires aren’t connected anymore,

And all that was overlooked is there in plain sight,

One question is left then,

Is it worth it to stay?

『 كتابة القصص والمانجا الصامتة. أسئلة وأجوبة』

Wide Screen:

00:50 شو الاشي اللي خلاكي تألفي مانجتك الخاصة بغض النظر إنك بتحبي الرسم من زمان؟
01:55 بدك مساعدين يساعدوك بقصتك مستقبلا” يعني مساعدين مانجاكا؟
02:31 بس تخلصي قصتك هل عندك فكرة لقصة أخرى؟
03:08 اقتبست شخصيات قصتك من أشخاص حقيقية ولا من خيالك؟
03:41 انهيت القصة من عندك؟ يعني جهزتي نهاية؟
04:05 اذا رحت للأردن وين رح الاقي مكتبة تبيع كل مجلدات Grey is…?
04:33 ما هو الأسهل بالنسبة لك، المانجا العادية أم الصامتة؟
05:38 أعطينا نصائح لرسم المانجا الصامتة.

كنت عم برسم السكتشز من كتاب

مقابلة لمجلة “حبر”: أسئلة وإجابات

تم مقابلتي بداية هذا العام لمقال في مجلة حبر الالكترونية ووضعت اجاباتي في سياق المقال بتصرف. قررت نشر اجاباتي كاملة هنا أملاً أن يكون فيها اجابات لأسئلة متكررة.



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A 20 year anniversary

I turned 13 on April 14th, 1999 in a new school.

I moved to the new school with a group of close friends from my old school and we were in the same class.

So, I wasn’t really alone or unloved.

But when I and them started to grow up, I began finding difficulty connecting.

Yes, there were classmates who were mean spirited, but we all walk through that door; the door of being mistreated, and being the ones mistreating.
However, the reason I met her, my depressed self, was because of my inability to fit in.

I was lonely, even though I was loved.

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A letter to Kilibi’s Leesa

Yesterday, we laid on the very thin mattress which was covered with a wrinkly yellow sheet and gazed at the ceiling.

We laid on a grassy ground in the forest and looked up the starry sky. You wished upon a shooting star, which I -a realist- called a falling star.

You wished for astronauts and rockets. My cynical mind chuckled at the simple common beliefs.

You prayed for Pokachino and Munchkin. You laughed at my interjection, asking about Dayeh, which you realistically said was a mere rabbit. Prayers go only for horses.

You said there are 100 Hayas, and we began counting the Hayas.

At night, while you were a few rooms away rising in high sleep, I thought of this;

You will come against so many good things and for sure, unfortunate things. Every time, you will unconsciously consider the 100 Hayas. You will even use a good number throughout your life.

I just wish you’ll always go back to the wrinkly sheet of grass and the painted white starry sky and connect to the small dreamy girl who believes god is “the man” and there are a 100 happy versions of herself floating in the sky, next to all the stars.

A follow-up letter to “O”

It kept haunting me; the words I said.
I guess it was the anger stage of grief. After a day of work, thinking and then a short nap. I have a clearer head of thoughts, which as shown, lacking in pretty deep choice of words.

I’m just going casual in this one, for I felt the guilt my previous angry words have moved in me, and I wanted to fill the dark void of better words.

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A letter to “O”

I know of a man, who ever since I first met him, learned one fact about him;

He was a burden to his family.

His old photos show a handsome ambitious youth.
His siblings’ stories rendered a genius who was to become big, but lost it all in a classic tale of mens’ envy and one woman’s ropes of hope and despair.

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In need of a familiar soil

I’m back from a convention trip to Dubai and I’m trying to settle and find myself again. I’ve been so unlike myself for the past 2 months and I’m collecting the pieces now.
Overall, the convention wasn’t so good and it was the straw the broke the camel’s back and I’m now hibernating.

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A Fleeting thought

I am not an outgoing person by nature, but the current state of interacting makes me feel like I’m in a never ending series of decisions and reactions that tests my core principles.

While that is a good way to grow and fully develop the frontal lobe, it leaves me in a state of mental fatigue that projects on my well being too.
It’s making me withdraw more from society.