It was when my mother started;

“But you need people-“

And I interjected in shouting that it’s exactly what I don’t need right now,

that I faced it.

Kinda like how Truman hit the truth and found his answer both by literally bumping into a wall.

If I stay and keep interacting, three things of great great significance in me, to me and around me, will be lost and gone forever.

loneliness is my chronic plague

but its vaccine kills me.

I can’t be myself and around people.

Part of me longs for company, but it always ends in extreme disturbance in my soul.

Even around those who were around for years.

***

Nobody can live completely alone

No work survives without audience,

Art is a language

And Language is used to communicate.

I know all that,

however,

I really honestly just want to be left alone right now.

And more than anything I want people to take care of themselves so I wouldn’t lose anyone or my sanity over anyone.

at the same time I want to disappear completely from everyone’s minds so they wouldn’t worry, or think they’re gonna lose me.